A moment, if you please...

Hey, all. I'm back. Back in Provo. Back in the snow and ice and cold.

However, I have sad news. A faithful companion of mine didn't fare so well.

My cellphone is in Southwest's Las Vegas baggage claim office, frightened and alone, missing in action. Don't tell it, though, that I got a nifty new replacement. Shhh!

With that said, I am contactless. If I mean that much to you, email or call me so I can get your digits. I have the same number.

Now, a moment of silence...for a trusty sidekick.

Why Iowa doesn't matter...

No offense, Iowa, but you don't matter much. Or you shouldn't matter much. Aw, why's that you ask? Well, let's see: you only have one percent of the nation's population, you're a rural state, and only a fraction of your residents will end up participating in the caucus on January 3. Which is why I'm really annoyed by all the buzz you get when it comes to choosing presidential candidates. Why any sane American voter would put an ounce of credence in whom your caucus ends up choosing is beyond me.

It's not your fault you tend to have such influence on future primaries, so you're not to blame. We have the media and a nice, healthy voter apathy to thank for your prominence instead. I guess I'm misdirecting my frustration here. I'm sorry, Iowa, I really am. No one but Iowans should care what happens in your caucus, so please forgive the other 298 million Americans for ignoring your caucus results and deciding for themselves who should be candidate for president. They don't mean it personally.

No hard feelings, right? See you at the party next November? Kthxbye!

Six Facts: Embarrassing Moments Edition...

Bless my soul, I've been tagged once more with the six-fact meme, so here goes.

1. I once unwittingly offered to wash a woman's underwear. Clarification: It was in Spanish.
   
2. Speaking of underwear, I got to show mine off when I got pantsed in the 7th grade in front of the entire middle school band. Thank goodness I was wearing some that day.
   
3. Speaking of pants, I've gone number 2 in mine...more than once, unfortunately. Stupid running. Stupid loss of bowel control.
   
4. There's this below-the-belt trend going on here...lemme see if I can change it up with this next little nugget. I once had to borrow a used airsickness bag as I was getting ready to jump out of a C-130.
5. I once was eliminated from a spelling bee. The word that did me in? Bazaar. Yeah, that experience was a KILL-ER! I cried a little bit. Yeah, and that was just a couple of months ago.
   
6. This last one is the collective shame I've felt every time a girl gave me a completely ridiculous excuse while in the process of shooting me down. Rejecting this? (as I point to myself) come on, ladies, seriously. (No, seriously. I have issues. I'm a regular George McFly.)

So now, I tag Stephen Colbert, Jennifer Lopez, Condoleezza Rice, Mahmoud Ahmedinejad, Lisa Simpson and Warren Buffett.

Wha? Wha you say?

I was channel surfing tonight, and one particular channel succeeded in totally blowing my mind. It's Firebrand.

It's a channel that, get this...you won't believe it, shows commercials and ONLY commercials. Yup. Take a second or two to process this information. I am STILL trying to wrap my mind around this concept before I blow a fuse and delete this channel from my list.

Oh, ok...it seems it's just a half-hour show, not an entire channel. Whew! Let me just take a breath here. Order and reality have been restored.

But still, now I can say I've seen it all. A show dedicated to commercials? Only in America, I guess.

La Ville des Mormons...

I often peruse blogs with an LDS theme, and one of my faves is "Times and Seasons". It's part of what latter-day saints call the "Bloggernacle". Gosh, we're a clever bunch.

Anyway, this gem, written in 1903 by a French journalist visiting Salt Lake City, and translated by Ardis Parshall, brought quite the smile to my mug. Enjoy.

The Power of Blog...

From a random and very entertaining blog I stumbled across: Everyone Needs the Power of Blog. She pretty much nails every reason why I blog. The narcissism, the lazy way of keeping in touch, the ability to converse on a much grander scale...yup. She gets it.

The author is witty, her husband's name is Brent, so obviously she has a lot going for her.

What makes a country great?

Have you ever thought about that? I mean, what is it that makes a country great? Is it a country's military? Its economy? Its technical innovation? Its industrial might? Its leaders? Its people?

I'm asking these questions because we're going to be bombarded here shortly, even more than we are already, with all sorts of polls and ads and caucuses and primaries. All this is going to carry us to an election, and we're going to choose the man or woman we feel will help keep this country the greatest mankind has ever known, so...does this make sense? I mean, we need to identify the thing or things that make America great, and then we need to identify the candidate whose political philosophy most closely resembles those same things.

So, ask yourself. "Why is America so great?" "Who, as president, would do the best job at keeping America that way?"

But wait! You don't think I'd leave this post without answering those questions myself, do you? Oh, don't be silly now. Of course I'm going to forcibly shove humbly offer my opinion for your consideration, my dear readers.

The things that make America (and any country that applies them) so great are the principles of the rule of law, agency and self-determination. Well, in a nutshell, anyway, that's why she's great. America isn't great because of her per-capita income, her nuclear arsenal, her billions in humanitarian aid, her shopping malls, her cutting-edge research, her statesmen, not even her people, really.

True greatness, in any way you can conceive it in political form, comes from mankind voluntarily unleashing its creative potential and being able to enjoy the products of its labor without fear of confiscation by another party. To put a name to it, America is great because of capitalism. Capitalism is why America, with all her entrepreneurs, enjoys the success she does today. As long as Americans have the incentive to produce products and offer services with the expectation they'll be able to profit from their efforts, the United States will prosper. If you contrast this with nations whose governments stifle freedom or confiscate property (especially through taxation), the difference is clear. History, without any doubt, supports this premise. Look at socialist societies compared to capitalist ones. It's a no-brainer, people!

Now, before I reveal my preference (which, you may already know, but let's keep this fun), what do you think makes America so great, and who would make the best president? Leave your thoughts in the comments, please.

Tomorrow I'll let you know whom I'm supporting. Until then, kids!